Adventures in Babysitting
by cneko2
Summary: FoD oneshot: Gaara and Naruto need a night to themselves. Which means finding just the right babysitter for Kizuko. Warning: GaaNaru


Tsunade, Fifth Hokage of the Village of Konoha, was use to having men on their knees before her. She was use to them begging her. She was use to them telling her she was the most gorgeous woman in the world.

She was, however, not use to the combination of all three being used at once. A fact made even more disturbing by the identity of the one doing said combination. Despite rumors, Uzumaki Naruto did _not_ look pretty when he begged.

"Pllllleeeeaaassssseeee, Baachan? You're my last hope! You're my only hope!"

Tsunade felt her eye twitch.

"Can't you ask Iruka?"

"He's got plans. And I think they involve Kakashi-sensei."

Damn.

"Ino and Shikamaru? The brats love each other."

"They're both on missions and Ino's parents are already taking care of Shinosuke and Sakura."

Double Damn.

"Hinata and Kiba…?"

"Hinata's gotta work and Kiba's on the same mission with Shikamaru."

There went that twitch again. Once last tactic.

"Jiraiya?"

"I'D SOONER LEAVE HER ALONE WITH A DOG!!!"

The young man in front of her went from pleading parent to protective father in .06 seconds. Huh. Amusing. But still, she needed to figure out some way to get the brat to stop pleading. It really was disturbing.

Naruto sighed. "Please, Tsunade-baachan? Gaara and I really, really need a night to ourselves. It'd just be for a little while."

"Gaki, what makes you think that I have time to …."

She paused suddenly, her mind whirling. Time…time…If…she babysat the Brat's brat then she couldn't possibly be expected to stay at the Tower that night and do paperwork. Of course not. Who would watch the little one then? Which would mean that i_she/i_, the over-worked and over-stressed Hokage, got a very deserving vacation. She glanced over at the day's mail that had been sitting on the left side of her desk, her eyes resting on the piece on top of the stack.

She grinned.

"What time do you want me to show up, Brat?"

Naruto's cries of gratitude could be heard echoing across the village.

* * *

Later that night, Kizuko sat on her parents' bed with a pout watching Naruto re-do his blonde spikes in the mirror for the 15th time.

"Why do I have to have a babysitter?" The little blonde whined.

"Because Papa and Gaara really need some alone time. How's my hair?" Naruto brushed his hand through his hair.

"The same as it looked last time you asked." Kizuko pouted.

"No, it doesn't!"

"Yes, Papa. It does."

"Nu-uh! This is the windswept look."

"…It's the same, Papa."

"No, the one before was the 'I just woke up' look. Come on, Kitling! Get with the style program."

Kizuko started at her father for a long moment and then hopped of the bed and called out the doorway.

"GAARA!! Papa's being weird!"

"Hn." Came the reply.

"More so than usual!"

"GAARA!! Kitling's being a pain!"

"Hn." Came the reply.

"More so than usual!"

Gaara of the Desert sighed and walked to the doorway of the bedroom. Fixing the blondes with a stoic look, he informed them:

"Tsunade-sama will be here in 10 minutes."

Kizuko ran and threw her arms around Gaara's legs. "Kizuko doesn't need a baby sitter!! I'm eight now!! I'm not a baby!"

Gaara picked the little girl up. "Don't think of Tsunade-sama as a baby sitter. Think of her as a chance to learn lots of dirt on your father that you can use to throw in his face when he tries to ground you."

"GAARA!! Don't tell her that!!"

She stared at the redhead with wide eyes for a moment and then considered the idea.

"Okay." She said, hopping down.

"KITLING!!!"

"Sorry, Papa. But Gaara does have a good point."

Before the ensuing argument could be pursued further, there was a knock at the door.

Naruto opened the door to reveal a grinning Tsunade.

"Konbanwa, Gaki! So, where's the Chibi? You two lovebirds ready to head out yet?"

"Baachan…" The blonde was a bit surprised to see the Hokage so chipper.

Kizuko ran up before he could say any more. "Tsunade-baachan!"

The little girl ran up and hugged the older woman.

Tsunade grinned and ruffled the little blonde's hair. "Hey there, Chibi! Ready to have some fun?"

Kizuko grinned up, her bright green eyes sparkling. "Un! Gaara told me you can give me dirt on Papa to use against him when he tries to ground me!"

The Hokage laughed as Naruto hissed "Kitling! Behave!"

"Are we done with the small talk yet?" Gaara asked in monotone.

"I guess…Okay, Kitling, remember to behave for Tsunade. And no sweets after 9. And remember to make her brush her teeth before she goes to bed, kay Baachan? Oh, and just use a messenger bird to reach us if you need us. And she likes to hear a story before she goes to bed…And I left some money for ramen And…"

"And they'll be fine. Thank you very much for watching her Tsunade-sama." Gaara cut off Naruto's rambling. He looked sternly at his little kitsune.

"You. Behave. We're going now."

"Kay, Bye bye, have fun!" Kizuko waved.

"But…Kizuko's shampoo…and her pajamas….and how to brush her hair…Baachan!! Remember to brush her hair before she goes to bed!! And no sweets!! And…"

The blonde continue shouting out reminders and warnings about Kizuko's health and night time routine as Gaara dragged him out of the apartment.

Tsunade cocked an eyebrow as she looked down at the little blonde next to her. Kizuko cocked an eyebrow as she looked up at Tsunade. They grinned at the same time.

"So. I thought we'd get Ichiraku for dinner and then go some place special."

"Special? Cool! Where?"

"Heh. You'll see, Chibi."

* * *

They sat on a roof, the same one Gaara had haunted during his first stay in Konoha for the Chuunin exam. The full moon shone brightly overhead.

"Mmmm…this is nice. It's been too long since we've had a night for just the two of us." Naruto snuggled up to the redhead next to him.

Gaara pulled the other close and rested his chin on the blonde's shoulder. "We should take advantage of it."

"Oh?"

"It's a nice night. The street's deserted. We've got a very large roof all to ourselves…"

"Gaara! One would think you're an exhibitionist."

"One wouldn't know me very well then if they just _think_ that."

Pale hands reached around to pull the tan chin upward. The kitsune holder repositioned himself as the two began to make out in earnest.

"Sand Gods, you look gorgeous in moonlight."

"Mmm…let's freak out some nosey Konoha citizens, shall we?"

"Let's."

If anyone had been walking by and looked up at that moment, they would have been treated to either a terribly scandalous site or the best gay porn this side of the Icha Icha series.

* * *

This place was interesting. Tsunade-Baachan had taken her for ramen as promised and then they had come here. 'Here' was a place where people played games. Tsunade-Baachan was really into this one that involved dice. Kizuko couldn't really blame her, it was kinda fun. The little blonde liked watching how the people managed the dice and the cup.

"Whaddya think, Chibi?" Tsunade asked her.

"Hmmm….Han!" Kizuko replied.

"Well, gentlemen, you heard the Chibi. Han it is!" The Hokage said gleefully as she slapped a wad of cash down on the Tatami mat.

The cup slowly lifted…

"Han! Ojochan over there wins!"

"Wai!!" The little blonde jumped up in happiness.

"Chibi, you are a lucky neko!" Tsunade hugged the little girl.

"Hee…I'm not a neko, I'm a kitsune." Kizuko laughed.

"Alright, people. Place your bets!" The thrower called as a new game started.

* * *

The next day, Naruto made his was towards the Academy to pick up Kizuko. The grin on his face was slightly brighter, the spring in his step lighter. Yes, it was quite obvious to anyone who looked that Uzumaki Naruto had definitely gotten laid last night. Maybe he should con Baachan into baby sitting more often.

Whistling, he stepped into Iruka's classroom.

"Hey, Iruka-sensei. What's up?"

Iruka looked up from the papers he was grading as the blonde entered.

"Naruto…we need to talk."

The Kitsune went on immediate alert. "What's wrong? Something with Kizuko? Are the kids teasing her again?"

The older man shook his head. "No, but…have you been taking her inappropriate places?"

"What?"

"She's recently…learned some things that she really shouldn't be doing at school."

"What?"

"It only started today, and although she and the boys _do_ seem to be having fun doing it…I think it's best if they stop, they're really to young for such behavior."

"_WHAT?!_"

A father's worst fears began flashing through his mind. She was kissing boys already…or making out…or doing things that he and Gaara did tog…No. He absolutely made his mind stop before it could go any further down that route.

That way lie madness. And blood. And slaughter. And lots of young dead male bodies to hide.

Naruto stormed outside intent upon finding his daughter and the boys she was engaging in 'inappropriate behavior' in with. And then he stopped.

There was his little girl in the middle of a circle of boys with Shinosuke by her side, an odd combination of worry and boredom on his face. Toboe sat before her with Kuro on his shoulder, shouting gleefully as he slapped something down.

Kizuko had her coat off one shoulder and a one foot propped up on a rock. She leaned on her raised knee with a pair of dice held between three fingers in one hand. On her face was huge smirk reminiscent of a certain gambling Hokage.

"Alright, gentlemen. Place your bets!"

"Ano…Kizu…Toboe…I really don't think we should be…"

"Woo hoo!! 5 on Han! Right, Kuro?"

"Woof!"

"Don't Worry, Shinosuke. Tsunade-Baachan took me to this really awesome place last night and taught me this game. I mean if Hokage-sama plays it, it can't be bad, right? So place your bets, everyone! Last call!"

_Tsunade-Baachan took me…_

Naruto twitched.

His baby…gambling…all because of that…that _old hag_…

He watched in a kind of fascinated horror as his little girl expertly threw the dice and slid the cup on top of them. She then slowly picked it up.

"Cho! Sorry, Toboe, You lose, so pay up!"

"Man…here, take your money."

"Thanks, you'll be buying me a new set of Kunai if you keep this up." The little blonde laughed.

Green eye sparkled merrily as they looked up and caught sight of Naruto.

"Papa! Sorry, guys, games over for today! See you tomorrow!"

Shoving the dice, cup, and money into a pocket, she ran up to the older Uzumaki.

"Ne, Papa, don't you and Gaara want to go out again soon? Get Tsunade-Baachan to baby sit! She takes me the coolest places."

She smiled brightly up at her Papa.

Naruto twitched again and sighed. Looked like he wasn't getting a night alone with Gaara again for a long, long time.

"Kitling, I don't think that's going to be happening."

Kizuko blinked. "Eh? But why?"

"Because Tsunade-Baachan obviously can't be trusted to behave appropriately around you."

"Eh?"

"That…game…is a game for adults, Kitling. You can't play it at school."

"But…but…Kizuko made 50 ryou…"

"Now, Kitling, you can't just….Did you just say 50 ryou?"

"Ah huh. And that was just today. Tsunade-Baachan let me pick lots of times at the place last night and she made lots of money. She even let me keep 20 of it…I'm saving for a new Kunai set! Of course…then she went and bet by herself and lost it all, but…She said I was her lucky Kitsune."

"And…you made 50 ryou today off the boys all by your self?"

"Yeesssss…"

She wasn't quite sure were Papa was going with this…He had a calculating look in his eye.

"Where exactly did Tsunade-Baachan take you again?"

Suddenly, a ball of sand came flying up and hit him in the head. Gaara appeared next to the blondes and gave Naruto a hard stare.

"What? I was joking!!" The blonde man complained, rubbing his head.

Gaara said nothing.

"You think I'd take my own daughter to gamble?!"

Gaara said nothing.

"GAAAARRAAAAA~!!! Answer me!!"

Gaara turned and looked at him.

Naruto shut up.

Gaara looked down at the little kitsune.

"No more gambling. And no more of Tsunade baby sitting."

"Awww…but Kizuko likes it when Tsunade-Baachan babysits."

Gaara gave her a look.

"Fine." She pouted.

The redhead looked slightly relieved at that. One kitsune he could fight, but if they had ganged up on him…it usually ended up in their favor. But it looked like that would be the end of that, fortunately.

Unfortunately, this meant they had to go through the process of finding a baby sitter all over again. Hmmm…maybe he should suggest they should try the Frog Hermit next time. After all, he probably couldn't teach her anything worse.


End file.
